Mary

WIVES!!

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

THE END.

MARKETING CONCEPTS!

A professor at Havard University was explaining Marketing concepts:

you see a gorgeous girl at a party.you go up to her and say, "I'm very rich marry me!"THATS DIRECT MARKETING!

You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.one of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,"Hes very rich.Marry him. THATS ADVERTISING

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.you go up to her and get her telephone number.the next day u call and say,"Hi,im very rich.Marry me".THATS TELE MARKETING.

You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl.You get up and striaghten your tie,walk up to her and pour her a drink.You open the door for her,pick up her bag after she drops it,offer her a ride and then say,"by the way,im very rich.Will you marry me?"THATS PUBLIC RELATIONS.

You see at a party and see a gorgeous girl.she walks up to you and says,you are very rich"THATS BRAND RECOGNITION

you see a gorgeous girl at a party.you go up to her and say,I'm very rich.Marry me".She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.THATS CUSTOMER FEED-BACK!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party u walk up to her and say,I'm very rich.Marry me! and She introduces you to her husband.THATS DEMAND AND SUPPLY GAP.

• You see a gorgeous girl at a party.You go up to her and before you say,Im very rich.Marry me"she turns her face towards you----------------she is your wife!THATS COMPETITION EATING INTO YOUR MARKET SHARE

lean back and laugh

1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
I said,"Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:"Buy one dog, get one flea..."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
18. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always
complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

• Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.
• Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
• Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
• Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.
• Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.
• Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.
• Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.
• After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

How To Act The Way You Should

• Action is a product of a will.
• Your will comes from what is your purpose.
• Your purpose is what you are created for.
• A product can best be put to use by the creator/manufacturer.
• The producer may not go everywhere his product goes.
• But to represent him on how to maximize the product is his manual.
• To perfect the use of a product you have to understand the manual, you need a guide on the meaning of terms.
• The guide must be well explained to put right through.
• You ask questions where you don't understand.
• A need arise from accurate self-discovery.
• You discover yourself by searching.
• You can only search when in a familiar place.
• You can be familiar with a place you live, worked, schooled, etc.
• For a thing to learnt it has to exist.
• For a thing to exist it must have lived before.
• Your will must align with your faith for you to act right.
• You act right by following suit with your purpose.
• Your purpose is best-known to your producer.
• Your producer can not come to or appear to you physically, so He has inspired the writing of a manual, the Bible.

Acheivers today

1. They are big dreamers and big doers. Big doers are big dreamers.
2. They have consuming, obsessive, pulsating and burning desires. Consuming, obsessive, pulsating and burning desires is the beginning of all achievement.
3. They envision their dream. What you see is what you get. They see it on the inside long before the world sees it on the outside.
4. They have strong believe systems. They believe in themselves. They believe in their dreams, they believe in their capabilities, they believe they can do it, they believe they can make it. They have conquer their limiting beliefs.
5. They stand on the shoulders of giants. They learn from and model after successful people. They copy from the very best but add their uniqueness, ingenuity and creativity to it.
6. They manage time with laser focus and discipline.
7. They take action. They get things started. They act now….and keep acting.
8. They have leant to manage and master their fears and doubts by confronting and facing it.
9. They are persistent…they get up and keep moving on even in tough times. They stick to their goals, vision, dreams…..etc whatever. They stay focused on their object of their desire. They never see failure as the end of the road, it's simply another step in the progress towards their goals.
10. They do the things that others will not do. They have formed the habit of doing things that failures don't like to do. They have develop positive/productive daily habits. It is in the little things they everyday.
11. They understand and employ the power of the "master mind", that is, synergizing and associating with like minded people.
12. They know that everything in life is governed by principles. They know and respect these principles and they live their lives by them.
13. They seek out mentors and coaches.